Worth it
by CharlieWise
Summary: Tag to Seek. Ziva's thoughts as they go to the funeral and how that ends up in her having a conversation about Tony getting a dog. Co-authored by PurpleJelloTIVA206.


**A/N: So we felt there was more to the 'getting a dog' storyline and decided to share that with you.**

Ziva rolled her head to get the stiffness out of her neck. She never liked sitting in the back seat in the middle and this time was no different. She preferred to be behind the wheel and if that was not an option that at least she wanted to ride, how did Tony say it gunshot? Today however, she found herself in the back with Tony, with Mcgee in the front and Gibbs driving.

She'd not been looking forward to going to the funeral. They wouldn't be going to the actual ceremony, but the idea that she was going to a cemetery was enough to give her an unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had felt slightly better when Gibbs made a stop to pick up Dex at the Navy veterinarian office, until Gibbs opened her door and told her to scoot towards the middle.

So right now she was squeezed in between one of the sweetest dogs and her very annoying and overly active partner. For some reason his behavior of late been getting under her skin for the past week, the movie references, the movie voices, his ability to chat about nothing, his childish antics that she usually found somewhat endearing were now just plain pissing her off.

She blamed it on the lack of sleep and the fact that they were on their way to a funeral. She had been to enough funerals of victims to pay her respects to the families, but with her father's funeral still so fresh on her mind, it just brought up images she was trying desperately to suppress.

Right at this moment Tony is talking about some movie with a dog and a cat and making very wild gestures towards McGee, who had clearly lost interest about five minutes ago. Tony's behavior did nothing to calm her ever building sense of nervousness and to take away the feeling in her stomach and the lump in her throat.

Dex went to lie down and put his front paws on her legs and rested his head against her stomach. She moved her hands so that she could pet his back with one hand while caressing his head with her other. Dex licked her hand in enjoyment and for a moment Ziva felt a little bit better. The dog reminded her of Gibbs, strong, loyal and caring.

Gibbs had helped her out so much in the past 9 years. More than she could ever repay him, guilt creaped around her heart as she thought about lying to him. Keeping her plans to herself and not trusting him with them. Convinced that if she shared them with him he would try and stop her.

She looked up from Dex to Gibbs and than to her still amicably talking partner. Everyday she considered sharing her thoughts and plans with him. Everyday was a struggle between wanting to tell him and wanting him to be safe. Unlike Gibbs she didn't see Tony trying to stop her, Tony would do the oppostie and try and go with her, face all the danger with her and she could not, would not, let that happen.

She needed him alive and well. She needed to know that when she gave everything up for her search of vengeance that he would be far away. She was willing to give everything she had up in her search of Bodnar, everything besides Tony. Even though he was incredibly annoying as he started to sing some movie tune and started tapping out the rhythm on everything he could find.

He was about to tap on her shoulder as her hand shot out to grasp his. "Will you stop!" Ziva hissed at him. He looked at her, a playful twinkle in his eyes. She expected him to make a joke, maybe make an inappropriate comment, but he didn't. She saw the playfulness change and form an understanding. His facial expression changed and he nodded, which she would have missed if she had not been looking as closely at him.

"I'll just drum on McDrum here." Tony said.

Ziva felt his hand that she was still holding letting go, his muscles relaxing. Instead, Ziva just squeezed his hand and kept a hold of it. Looking away from Tony and back to Dex who she was still petting with her other hand. She felt Tony's stare upon her as he probably tried to figure out this new situation.

Ziva felt the pressure in her hand as he squeezed it before he focused back on McGee. She realized that the unsettling feeling in her stomach, the lump in her throat suddenly didn't feel so prominent.

- TIVA -

Ziva took a deep breath as the car stopped at the edge of the cemetery. The feeling in her stomach returned full force, all she wanted to do is turn the car around and go home. She noticed the marines walk away from the coffin and she flashed back to her father's coffin. Mossad had arranged most of the funeral, as most people attending were Mossad. The rest was consisted of some distant family and Shmeil, who had not left her side, since they touched down in Tel Aviv.

_Ziva looked around at the group of people that came to honour her father one last time. She recognized many, but there were the ones she did not recognize, those she did not trust. Trusting people wasn't easy for her, her entire life, her father being killed by his right hand man did nothing to ease that. Someone in Mossad had killed the director, there had to be officers still loyal to Bodnar. This was the moment she realized she could send him a message, it had to be subtle but clear, something that only Bodnar would understand._

_Everyone around was looking at her expectantly. Everyone felt the tension in the room, most here knew of the somewhat strained relationship between her and her father. Those who did not, guessed of the kind of relationship the director of Mossad would have with his daughter that ultimately left Mossad to work at NCIS._

"_Be proud." Ziva started as she focused her eyes on the coffin in front of her. "That is what my father said to me just before my first dance recital. When I asked him what he meant he said I would understand when the time was right. After my recital he came to me with tears in his eyes telling me he was the proudest father of all the fathers there."_

_A cautious silence was cast over the room. Men and women stood frozen around the large space, those that did move, moved only to wipe away tears. "I thought that was what he meant. Just before I was going to give my first Shiva dinner blessing he pulled me to the side and told me 'Be proud.' Half way through the blessing I looked up at him and he looked at me just like he did after the recital. Like the proudest father in the room." Ziva continued her glance shifting from the coffin to her hands as if the answers lay there._

"_My father told my sister Tali the same thing just before her first singing performance. 'Be proud'. My sister Tali sang so beautifully that even my father teared up a little. Afterwards Tali came up to me and asked me what my father had meant when he said be proud. So I explained to her that it was his way of saying he was proud of us, what ever happened. It wasn't until halfway into my admission test of Mossad that I understood what he really meant. He came up to me the day before and told me again; 'Be proud.' By now I had heard this words so many times they had little impact on me. Most of you here, know what these tests entaile. You know the struggles you face, the strain, the sleep deprivation, the hurt. Halfway through, I finished all the assignments and had done everything that was expected of me and my father would've been proud. I could have stopped right there, that was what was expected of me. That was when I realized that right at that moment I wasn't proud, I needed to do more then the assignments, I needed to exceed everyone's expectations. I went on and did just that."_

_There were a few chuckles around the room. Stories of Ziva's test results were almost legendary. They were told to everyone that went through the test; most didn't get close to what she did. "The thing that my father wanted to teach me from my first dance recital on was that he would always be proud of me and as a young girl everything you need to feel good about yourself is knowing that your father is proud of you. When you grow older you need more. You need to be proud of yourself. Proud of what you do, proud of what you are._

_Abba, I am proud. Proud to be your daughter."_

"You alright?" Tony's question pulled Ziva from her thoughts and she realized most of the people had left. Only Ruby was left sitting in her place and Gibbs had taken a seat next to her.

"Yes, I am fine." Ziva said forcing a smile. Tony did not comment on it, he just squeezed her hand one last time before opening his car door. She felt his hand slip out of hers and it suddenly felt cold, but for some reason she also felt a sense of peace fall over her as it dawned on her that this time, Tony had held her hand throughout her father's eulogy.

McGee opened the door on the other side of the car and Ziva handed him Dex's lead before getting out. Together they walked towards Gibbs and Ruby. Ziva watches as Gibbs hands her a medal, she is positive it's one of Gibbs's own medals. Even after working with Gibbs for so long he still surprised her with selfless acts such as this.

Gibbs gives the nod to McGee to let go of Dex's lead and watches as Dex happily trots over to Ruby. The happy tears that fill up Ruby's eyes as she sees Dex make her forget for a moment where they were. Only for a moment though. She tries to look for a distraction but she doesn't find one.

"Thank you guys." Ruby says to them as she continues to rub Dex behind his ear.

She smiles quickly towards Ruby before leaning slightly towards Tony. "You're awfully quiet Tony." She says, it was the truth, normally he would have made some kind of joke or at the very least a movie reference.

"You know I've been thinking about getting a dog." Tony says and Ziva gets a light flutter in her stomach, though she is not really sure why.

"It's not a dog, it's a marine." Gibbs says as he walks away and she glances at Tony. A soft smile spreads across her face as she guesses they are thinking the same thing. Dogs and Marines are a lot alike. Gibbs and Dex were a perfect example.

They turn around and Ziva glances across Arlington cemetery and is hit with the size of it. Her father was buried in a completely different cemetery but the memory, was still so fresh and clear in her mind. She wanted to get out of here, get to work and concentrate on something else. She noticed Tony turning around, but that would delay their departure and that was not something she wanted.

Ziva pushed him back towards the car with her hand on his back. When he noticed she wasn't dropping her hand he looked at her. Ziva guessed he could see her internal struggle and need to get out of here.

"Shotgun." Tony called out.

"Hey that's not fair, I already called it." McGee said jogging towards the car to get there quicker than Tony. Tony on the other hand made no move to stop McGee. He only quickened his pace together with Ziva, her hand still resting on his back. He looked down at her for a moment and winked at Ziva. Ziva couldn't help but smile back and apply just a little more pressure on his back as a silent thank you.

-TIVA-

Ziva looked as McGee shut down his computer, commenting that he was done for the day and was going to find Abby. Gibbs had left towards MTAC half an hour ago for a call to a base commander in Kandahar.

"Night McGee." Ziva said as she saw him walk away. Tony just waved quickly as he was trying to finish his report and get out of the office at a somewhat decent hour.

Ziva finished her report half an hour later and by Tony's decreased typing speed she realized he was almost finished just re-checking it for spellings errors and other minor details. "Tony?" Ziva asked and waited for him to look up.

"One second." Tony said back as he typed in the last word before saving and sending it to Gibbs' printer.

Ziva waited patiently for him to grab an empty folder out of his filing cabinet and crossed the bullpen towards Gibbs' desk. He put the copy of McGee's, Ziva's and his reports in the folder and placed it on Gibbs's desk, before looking up expectantly to Ziva.

"Were you serious, when you said you were thinking about getting a dog?" Ziva asked, it had been bugging her ever since they got back to the office and she didn't know why.

Tony looked at her, surprise at her question clearly evident on his face. He gave himself a little more time to think about his response by walking towards her desk. Ziva was still seated behind her desk and Tony came around it and half sat half leaning against the desk. "I think so yeah. Why?"

This time it was Ziva who was surprised, first off she didn't think he was serious about it and second she had expected him to respond with a much less honest answer.

"Do you think it's a good idea?" Ziva asked.

Tony chuckled at this. "What you don't think I can take care of a dog?"

Ziva gave him a look and Tony pretended to be hurt before she pushed on. "I'm sure you are capable of taking care of an animal Tony. You have a eight year old goldfish. But with our working hours would it be fair?" Ziva asked.

Tony looked at her, wondering where she was heading with this conversation. "I'll bring him to a doggy daycare or something. Or train him to become a crime scene dog."

"Tony I'm serious. What would happen to your dog if you got hurt, injured or worse." Ziva said, feeling foolish that she was not able to say the word die. She just wasn't willing to even put that thought to the forefront of her mind, let alone voice it out loud.

"Well, I'm sure Gibbs, Abby, McGee or maybe you would be willing to take care of him or her." Tony said while trying to read Ziva. Something was bothering her and he wasn't sure what.

"Yes, but there is a chance that you would raise, feed and love him or her and he or she would love you back and you'll become some sort of family, but then one day you might not come home, or maybe never come home again. Can you do that to a... dog." Ziva asked as she locked eyes with Tony.

Tony saw all kinds of emotions going through her eyes. He saw the turmoil within and he finally figured out what was going on. She wasn't talking about a dog. She was talking about starting a family and the possibility of losing it. Was it all worth it? That was what she was asking.

"You're right. The job we do, it involves risks, big risks. I.." Tony started but wasn't sure how to carry on, how to explain that despite everything, a family was worth it. "The time I would get to spend with my dog, and he with me. Would outshine and outlive the time we would spend apart if something happened. It's worth it to know the feeling of family and somebody to go home to. You told me yourself you were lucky to have known the love of a sibling. This is no different, we would be lucky if we could know the love of a family that would be waiting for us each time we walked through our door"

Ziva looked up at him, her eyes had gotten a little moist at the mention of Tali and the idea that the idea of a family to come home to was worth it. Her heart had sped up when I became we, but she figured he just meant that they would both be lucky to have that feeling separately.

"I guess you're right. We would be lucky." Ziva said softly.

Tony smiled at that, it would probably never get old hearing her say he was right about something. it never failed to make him feel proud and good about himself, just because she thought he was right.

"And god forbid something would happen to us Ziva, we have a family here that would take care of the dog. Can you imagine Gibbs kicking that cute little doggy face to the curb? Beside if he did Abby would kick his ass and make him apologize. Abby could make him break rule 6. You know it." Tony said and that made Ziva laugh.

"So you ready to head out?" Tony asked and Ziva dropped her head before nodding. Suddenly feeling ready for a lot more then just going home. She had lost so much family in her life, she had created a surrogate family here at NCIS. Maybe she was ready or at least she was getting herself ready for making a different kind of family, a biological family, very much like the one she had lost.

Tony twirled away from her desk towards his own to gather his things before meeting her back in the middle to walk towards the elevator with her. "You want to know why I really want a dog?" Tony asked looking at her sideways with a grin on his face.

"I am sure you are going to tell me anyway, yes?" Ziva said smiling back at him.

Tony chuckled, he pushed the button of the elevator before slinging his arm around her and pulling her to his side. "So I get a hug when I get home at the end of the day." he whispered.

Ziva chuckled and relaxed against him. Not finding any good reason why she should pull away, they both didn't have a family when they would walk through their respective doors tonight. So why shouldn't they both experience physical contact here. They both walked into the elevator and turned around, Tony's arm still slung over her shoulder and Ziva leaning slightly against him.

**A/N: What do you think? Can you see this happening? and please let me know what you thoughts are about the eulogy because I've never really attempted anything like that before. **


End file.
